As most of you know I am on a sabbatical from academia and possibly people. School is an institution that required both items and as of late I haven’t had the same brush with either of these departments. As a graduate I pretty much have nothing to do besides look for a job, study for the GRE, and stare at my computer screen E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y. I never leave the house unless I run out of yogurt and Nutriment. The only folks I interact with are my mom, siblings, and a pal in Philly in real life and my friend teaching abroad in Korea on FB. This is exactly the post I used to take minus the job hunting and cramming for a standardized test during summer breaks (which I will no longer be procuring as an adult in the real world). #r.i.p.summervacays.
Why stay home and live a hermit life?
- No money to waste gas or do anything, really. It’s hard out there for a pimp.
- Moved to a new town. Without the requirement of school, meeting people is something of an effort that I give two shits about. Read: #misanthropictendencies
- Did I mention I hate this dead town? The city where I went to school can hardly be called a city but compared to the current one I am crashing at, it was hoppin’. I mean, there’s got to be a place here that sells Boba tea, right?!
As a result of my hermit lifestyle there has been an inescapable side effect: my dwelling on past social exchanges and choices. It is well-known I have a talent for remembering things people have said (mainly negative, of course) and situations that have existed for which I want to do differently. And to the lament of those l know not just recent but things that may have happened a decade ago. Sad to say, I am one of those people who won’t let bygones be bygones. You fool me once, you fool me twi-. Nope. You don’t fool me twice because I won’t give you that chance! As the saying goes “Can a zebra change its stripes?”
Now given the links provided this post will deal with something that I have been thinking about since I decided to go MIA from some folks I knew in my last semester of undergrad. I have vowed to NOT ever be the only [insert race here] in a gathering of [insert another race here]. How I end up being the only black female in a posse of white people, I will never know. The college I went to was populated mostly by whites but it also had decent fragment of non-whites as well. I ended up making some black friends but no one significant enough for me to call a good friend. I wasn’t very social on or off campus so I hung with whatever was thrown at me. Disclaimer: This only became common in college. I hear as we get older it’s harder to make MEANINGFUL friends.
To get to the point, whenever someone finds their person as one being the loneliest number you find that ignorance knows no bounds. Make note that I am not saying that this something only white people are capable of. Throw an Asian into a grouping of blacks or Hispanics and I am pretty sure he/she will hear some stupid comments about their race (e.g. “Asian women have horizontal vjays.”) And of course being the only different peep within the group no one will get the gravity of how insensitive comments like that will be or they wave it off as comedy. Here is a gist, a GIST, of the nonsense I heard:
- “That, like, doesn’t even happen anymore.” A response to the idea of white flight.
- “Will Smith is so cool because he’s a black guy who’s kind of like, not a black guy”. Same person from #1.
- “When you get cut, what color is the flesh underneath?” Again, same person from #1. This individual, Jobly, was very much serious as she
wasis ignorant and sheltered to anything race related.
Even still, it’s fucking biology!!! How much of a basic bitch do you have to be to not know the answer to this? The other white people around were actually staring at her, mouths agape, out of sheer embarrassment.
- “My mom said only white women didn’t get saggy boobs.” A white female who considered herself a progressive, blah blah blah. You could tell she truly believed this with all her heart as she kept repeating it.
- “I thought it would be white women?!” A response to an online study that claimed on a particular dating site Middle Eastern women were most sought after. The girl totally forgot who she was saying it to and had a look of regret. I humored her ass and replied with “Oh honey, don’t worry Middle Eastern women are considered Caucasian by the U.S. Census.”
- “Black women are gross. They have purple vjays.”
Overheard some white guy at a friend’s house.
- “What? You don’t know Rick Ross? But you’ve got, like, an afro/dread thing going on…” WTF? This was said by my friend’s roommate. He was Mexican. The friend (who was white) and Jobly happened to be around. Turns out they couldn’t see why what he said was offensive, even going further to say he didn’t mean anything bad by it. The roommate will forever be remembered as Mexicunt.
- “Here, you want this?” Same Mexican roommate who was making kool-aid for himself and gestured the jar of powder to me. He doesn’t know me well enough to make race jokes, even if I was that kind of person.
- “GiGo what are you talking about? Now that Obama is in office black people will have all the power!” A response after I mentioned BO’s election in 2008 would bring no good, only chalking up
even morenegative attention to blacks and ending in his assassination. This girl was very much serious and worried that said poppycock could become a reality. She also mentioned that her dad always voted democrat but when BO ran he switched teams. Maybe her dad is to blame for such an absurd comment?
- A vintage (took place in HS): “Is the baby hers?” Said to my mom by a white lady regarding me and my baby sister at the time. It was a birthday party for my little brother’s classmate and my mom didn’t know the parent well so she begged me to go. #stereotypesmuch?
I’m at the place where if invited to a gathering, say a friend’s family home, I would immediately make an excuse and decline. Asking what the demographics of the people attending said grouping would be rude, so the only option would be to excuse myself. People are used to saying things that would be considered insensitive in their home without penalty. It’s their right. An outsider coming in would only infringe on that right and they behave accordingly (i.e awkward and offensive). Sometimes people don’t have to voice their opinions; a lot can be said by actions and latent expressions. It’s enough for the person to get the message. Knowing myself I’d probably take an oath to murder all offenders at the party. To conclude there’s always a lesson to be had. I learned mine well and will memorize it.
When life gives me lemons I make pea soup!