Folks, xmas came twice this year because I am double posting today. The reason being is that there has been a lot that’s gone on since my last entry earlier in the month. Entry #6 touched base on all of that. What I’m about to rant about makes me wish I had an uncle Richard Jr. to handle my lightweight, as they say in the hood?
just supposed to be a normal day. I helped my mom do laundry at the laundry mat. When all the laundry was done, I had remembered I needed to purchase a padded envelope from the Dollar Tree from around the corner. As we made our way close to Dollar Tree my mom drops me off at the sidewalk so she can go park. The vehicle behind us gets impatient. Any normal that was apart of the day ended right there. As I am making my way towards the entrance of Dollar Tree, that same vehicle with two guys goes past me hurling “nigger” and “niggerette” from out the window. You can’t make this stuff up. It must of been a good 2 minutes of this vehicle coasting with the two cunts mouthing off next to me before I made it into the store. Mind you there were people around but who knows if they heard them clearly, I know I did.
This isn’t the first time I had some men yell that word to me. Nope. This time makes it 3 so far this year, the first time ever having to hear it aloud was in March. That time I was at a loss for words because I felt it came out of the blue and everyone has this idea that rednecks are the only ones capable of degenerate thinking. No in fact, the first offender was a yankee? (who probably voted for Obama) and it was at a beach outing with my German class, where he was friends with one of my classmates. The second time around it was when I was making my way out of Publix to my vehicle and I overheard two guys in the van next to me. That was around the time of 2012 elections, so you know…
I get that we live in a world with different views and opinions, so racial and ethnic tension is inevitable. Fan-fucking-tastic. Although circumstances like this may arise because of the diversity, the question is who are the main perpetrators of such a crime? From personal experience I will break it down (emphasis on personal experience). Asian men don’t generally acknowledge others in public areas. That’s the good thing about them, they quiet. They don’t speak unless spoken to. That’s not discounting the fact that they can’t be racist, because they sure fucking are. Black beauty supply stores come to mind but that is a totally different discussion. Then there’s your black guys. Black men don’t hurl racial epithets at other blacks even if they have self-hatred issues. That shit just doesn’t happen. Full stop. No, black men like to cat call and make jolly at people’s appearances regardless of race. They don’t discriminate. Most times when I hear from female friends who have gone through such experiences, they usually remark that said black guys try to make passes at them. And if rejected, OH SHIT. #whotheyfinnatry? Still, I am not discounting that black men can be racist, because they too can be even to their own kind. #uncletom. Hispanic isn’t a race and encircles all races, so we can just scratch them out. As for women, I have never had or heard from anyone else of a woman being overtly aggressive just for kicks. Women are generally passive, or keep their views to themselves UNLESS provoked. Just ask my uncle who had some Hispanic woman yell “nigger” continuously over a parking spot.
This brings us to white men. The only group who don’t need to be racially provoked to make fucking cunts of themselves. All of my encounters of this nature have been from white males. WHY DO I KEEP ATTRACTING THESE COCKROACHES?!?! I dunno. I honestly believe at this point with all my experiences with white males, including the not so racially motivated yet frustrating interactions, that I am being groomed by nature to have a social phobia and disdain for them. Anytime I happen to run into large gatherings of white males, I immediately want to vacate the area. Can you blame me? And I don’t care if someone tries to rationalize to me that I am making generalizations. I’m not so sure I am off the mark, considering that there are so many “tolerant” people who just happen to secretly disdain certain groups but won’t outwardly say it and latently express their prejudice. The justice system in New York comes to mind. #NYPD. At least so called overtly racist southerners give it to you straight. I don’t know which one is worse: the closeted, passive racists or the overt racist who would most likely hang you by a noose and isn’t afraid to make that a reality.
But there are even greater questions that plague me. How much more of this shit do I have to deal with? And what of those lingering feelings of helplessness at the end of the day? You should of seen my anger yesterday. I wanted to wait for them by their car and do what this kid did on the left. When I got home I googled mustard and chlorine gas formulas. No joke. My plan was to create bombs and go to white neighborhoods and assault random people. I mean yeah, this situation has occurred before but the manner that it occurred made it feel like the very first time. #likeafuckingvirgin. An uncle Richard Jr. would be perfect for times like this because I really wouldn’t like to be sentenced to jail because of something that got the best of me at the moment.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.